07 April 2012
Diary of a Disciple: Day 1006
Nothing much to say about today except, “woe, woe, woe!” – lament and grief. We remained in the house, we cried, we sang songs of lament, we talked, we tried to make sense of what has happened, but we have no answers.
We heard again the details of the trial from Joseph and Nicodemus. We heard them share their deep sense of failure for not speaking up, for not standing against what had gone on. They wondered what might have happened had they done so. Who knows?
We heard Peter admit what had happened at the fire in the courtyard of the high priest’s home. It turns out that Yeshua had been right about Peter denying him. He told that three times he was asked if he was a companion of Yeshua, but three times he had not been able to find the courage to stand for him and had denied it. Then the rooster had crowed! He spoke of his deep sense of bitter failure, his anger at himself, his perplexity. I was impressed with his honesty, and somewhat thankful – otherwise Peter would have hung on one of those crosses. Yeshua had been spot on about all this as usual. How come he is dead?
None of us really care about the “failure” of our brothers. We are all facing our guilt and failure – we were no better. At least Peter had had the courage to follow Yeshua, we had all run. Simon the Cananion wants us to launch an attack on the Romans now, an act of vengeance. None of us have any stomach for that, no need for more needless blood. Even the sons of thunder show little interest.
My heart goes out most to Mary, Yeshua’s mother. She is in deep pain. A mother’s worst nightmare! The others are caring for her. How will she get through this, or will she die of a broken heart!
The truth is none of us know what to make of it all. None of us saw this coming. I presume we will all go back to our old lives, to fishing and stuff like that. Not sure what I will do. Back to the family business I suppose. Sounds so mundane after the last three years – did it really happen?
Will the Holy One ever save us? Are we destined to live forever under the Romans or some other Gentile dogs? “Where are you Adonai? Why have you abandoned us?”
We did make one decision though. The women will go to the tomb in the morning to anoint Yeshua’s body. The Roman guards will allow them to do this I am sure. They don’t like to violate our customs, even though they despise us – the feeling is mutual.